Wow, it’s been a long time since it’s I’ve written on here (ha, I write that at the beginning of so many posts xD ) Well, I’m back and I want to get real with you guys.
Just tonight (or really this morning…at this early morning hour at which I should be sleeping 😉 ) I was writing in my diary about a self-discovery that I recently made (when I say “discovery” I use that word lightly, because really I’ve known about it, but recently it was really highlighted to me). I wanna share a portion of this entry with you, and then another entry that I made in a different journal (it’s very important that you realize that these two entries came from two different diaries xD ). Now, bear with me, this is some pretty personal and very honest stuff so it takes a bit of courage for me to share this on the worldwide web where anyone and everyone can read it. Yet, I think it’s also something that can feel easy to relate to (hopefully) and I think it could be helpful, even if to simply remind you that you’re not the only one who has issues (cause you’re not, you’re really not). So, I’m gonna share it 🙂 Here we go:
…It’s almost 12:30 AM and I’ve got so much schoolwork to tackle when I wake up (senioritis…or laziness…or both…is/are so annoying) yet I’m writing in you because I need to get something out of my system. Last night, Kaleb [my brother],…made an interesting comment. We were talking about music we like, and he pointed out that I tend to listen to Christian songs that are about me (what I’m needing, where I’m hurting, how I need God, how God helps me and feels about me etc.) instead of songs that simply adore our Creator. It’s true, and it made me think.
I once again realized how self-centered I can be. I crave attention, admiration, and almost adoration from other people. So many times before I go out, I look at myself [in the mirror] over and over again. A lot of times, when I go out, I’m so conscious of ME. What I look like, how I’m acting, what other people are thinking of me. When I’m at home I’m so consumed with ME. All my problems, difficulties, desires, dreams, failures, mistakes, wishes swirl around in my head frequently. When did it become all about ME?
So, with this “discovery”, I also realized that I don’t want to be all about me. There’s more to life, more to living than just myself. But then I thought, “how”? How do I separate myself from my own head? How do I stop doing what comes so naturally? Selfishness is one of the many things that I can’t fix on my own, or even at all. So, I prayed. That’s what I did and that’s what I’ll do.
Now, please note that I’m not saying that it’s a bad thing to pay attention to yourself and take care of yourself, or listen to songs that are about you and God and how He loves you and all of that. Please, don’t take me the wrong way. But sometimes we can carry things a little too far and focus too much on ourselves, amen?
Anyways, after I wrote this entry I read another entry that I had recently written in another journal. It’s about the love of God. I think God’s love is the answer to a lot of our problems, actually, even selfishness. So, let this next entry really speak to you and sink in to you. Here it is:
God is…faithful to my journey, all throughout the process of life. He will never leave me nor forsake me. God is good.
I am His precious jewel, His valued daughter. I will never know what it means to be completely unloved. He loves every part of me. Every dark, hurting, broken place, He will love to health and fullness again. Even after I’m completely satisfied, filled…His love will continue to wash over me, to hold me together like a seal. I am beautiful because He has called me beautiful. I am lovely because He said so. I am worthy and pure because of His Son. I am cleansed from all sin and I walk in righteousness. I am cherished by the Creator of the universe and Maker of all time. His heart is for me, has been given to me. His eyes are on me. I am His forever and He is mine forever. We will never be apart, He’s holding on to me, guiding me through every season of life because He’s faithful and He loves me. And that’s enough. It’s enough to sustain me for all my life, and beyond. This is truth. This is life. This is freedom. Christ in me. He changes everything for the better and my life, all of myself: my present, my past, my future, it’s all in His hands. I give it to Him. I give it to You, Lord. Because that’s where I belong. That’s where I’m safe to dream and be free. With You. I love You, Lord.
So yeah, I hope that was encouraging to somebody!